Forget-Me-Not
by squeaken1
Summary: Butters' love was something that was meant to stay hidden. One hint of which way his heart sways could change the balance of his life forever, even after high school.
1. Chapter 1

Butters knew it was stupid to love Eric Cartman. He knew Eric was not the type of person who would ever love. Still, the little blond's heart swooned for the fat boy. His heart skipped a beat at the thought of him. That was his dark secret. That was the thing he kept caged up in his mind, away from the light. It was always hidden away from others to see.

There were two reasons no one could find out. The first one was obvious; Eric would never approve of it. The second reason was his parents. As far as they knew, the little blond was straight. They wanted him to like girls. If he didn't, he would not only be grounded but thrown into a worse punishment to rid him of such unholy thoughts. It was frightening just thinking about it.

"Butters!" Eric hollered, taking him out of his trance. As always, Butters obeyed. He always came for Eric, in more ways than one. The blond settled next to the fat boy, shifting his weight from one foot to another.

"Y-yeah, Eric?" Butters questioned, his usual grin plastered on his face.

"I've got the greatest idea ever, and you get to be a part of it!" Full of excitement, the brunette latched an arm around Butters, pulling him too close for comfort. If only he realized how aroused the little blond was. Everything Eric did turned him on, and physical contact made it worse.

"R-really?! What is it, E-Eric?" Butters chirped, flushing beat red.

Butters tried his hardest to stop himself from burning scarlet, but to no avail. However, Eric didn't seem to notice. He went on and on about his genius plan. Locking his dry lips as he spoke, Eric sent shivers down Butters' spine. The love-sick boy honestly wasn't hearing a single word Eric spat. His entire mind was elsewhere in a fanatical world where he and Eric-

"Butters!" Eric snapped, pushing the smaller boy to the ground. "Haven't yew been listening to a _single_ word I said?!"

I-I, uh…" The blond's cheeks were still pink, his blue eyes darting back and forth.

"I thought we were friends, yew stupid little faggot!"

"W-we are! My mind was j-just on…uh…o-other things…" Butters truthfully answered, trying his hardest to defend himself.

"Such as?"

"Uh, sc-school. And, um, h-homework…" It hurt Butters to lie, but it would hurt him more to tell the truth.

"Don't be such a Jew!" The brunette ordered, taking the bait.

Butters mentally sighed in relief.

"So, are ya' gonna listen this time?" Eric question in irritation. Damn, that boy made things difficult.

Quickly, the blond nodded hid head, lifting himself off the ground. He would listen to every precious word that escaped Eric's mouth.

* * *

Butters sat in his English class, filling out his daily journal. He was so glad how secretive his teacher was about his journals. He would always pour out his love-sick emotions into them, explaining in depth everything the overweight boy did to him. He even explained how his parents wouldn't approve of it. His teacher was always supportive of him. But today he had a substitute. Who knows what horrors would come today.

"So, who would like to share their journal entry today?" the substitute asked, looking down at his clipboard. "Leopold?"

"N-no thanks, " Butters mumbled, sinking into his desk.

"Nonsense, do share!"

"But I-I don't really-"

"Share!"

Swallowing hard, Butters picked up his paper, trembling in his seat. He decided he would replace a few words in his paper as he read aloud:

_Romeo and Juliet is a great play, and I'm really enjoying it so far. It reminds me of my own story, one of which you know so well, teacher. I am Juliet Romeo, in love with my Romeo Juliet. But our paths cannot cross like I wish them to be. My parents forbid me from being with him her, no matter how my heart feels. The difference between my story and their story is that my prince princess doesn't love me the same way. His Her mom parents doesn't don't care if I am with him her or not. I do hope that Romeo and Juliet will live happily ever after, unlike myself. Someone needs to stay forevermore with their true love, and I know it won't be me._

Throwing his paper on his desk, Butters flushed a rose pink. It both shocked and scared him how much of an awe he left the class. Squeezing his eyes shut, he prepared for the worst.

"I didn't know Butters had a crush one someone," Bebe whispered to Wendy.

"Since when could he write like that?" Stan uttered to Kenny.

It seemed like everyone was at a daze, unsure how to respond.

"Bravo!" the substitute finally said. "Just beautiful, Leopold. Beautiful!"

Just smiling to himself, Butters softly said, "Thank you."

The rest of the class seemed to move smoothly. Everyone left him alone, and the substitute seemed to be honored by his presence, which kind of concerned the little blond. When the bell rang, Butters grabbed his things, ready to leave. He was stopped by the girls of his class, however. Each one of them had their eyes staring down upon him, not allowing him to leave the room. Had he done something wrong? Did they read into his words earlier and figure out his dark secret?

"So," Bebe began, smirking. "You have a crush on someone in this school."

"And it's a girl," Wendy added.

"Is it one of us in this room?" Nicohle questioned, batting her eyes.

Never in his life did he think that batting of the eyes would threaten him, frighten him. It was both bewildering and scary.

"N-no," Butters truthfully answered. "A-and no one will e-ever know."

Wendy just sighed, allowing Bebe to speak.

"We just think it's adorable and want to help true love find itself," Bebe explained, swooning at the thought of a happily ever after.

"Besides, we all thought you were gay," Red admitted, kicking the ground. "So we were all kinda shocked to hear that you…"

"I-Is it that obvious?!" Butters exclaimed without thinking, immediately clamping his mouth shut. Boy, was he in for it now. Why did he have to blurt out his biggest secret like that out of panic? Did he have no self-control?

The girls just stared at him, trying to process what had just happened. Butters…lied about being straight? Butters….Leopold "Butters" Stotch…lied. Well, that was a new one, considering how much Butters hated lying.

"So…your dad won't let you date boys?" Wendy concluded, finding it the only logical explanation.

"Y-yeah, I-I'll get grounded if I did. Plus I-I don't wanna repeat o-of going to that camp…" Staring at the ground, the little blond knocked his knuckles together. It felt good to finally tell someone the truth, yet it frightened him. Rumor could spread, and there would be a guarantee his parents would find out then. It was stressful just thinking about it. "Don't tell anyone, alright?"

"Just answer us this one question, and we'll leave you alone about the whole issue," Bebe said in a soft voice.

The blond boy just nodded.

"Is it someone in this class?"

Butters shook his head silently.

"Okay. That's all we wanted to know." Bebe gave the timid boy a big hug. "Class starts in 60 seconds."

As if like lighting, the girls were gone. Then it hit Butters: 60 seconds? He needed to get to class fast, or he'd be grounded for sure!


	2. Chapter 2

Walking into his science class late, Butters plopped himself next to Eric, who seemed very irritated. Great.

"What the hell, dude?!" Eric harshly whispered. "Yew were supposed to get here _before_ everyone else! I had to do it all by mahself! What a team, Butters!"

"L-look," the stuttering blond began, "I-I'm sorry. The girls i-in my English class co-ornered me…"

Snickering, the brunette arched a brow. "Why?"

"T-to ask me dumb questions, th-those dumb girls."

"The girls at this school are lame," Eric concluded.

Butters nodded.

Class continued on with a lecture, taking notes, and Eric copying off of Butters' worksheet. It seemed like time was stuck this period. Every time the boys would look at the clock, not even a minute passed. It was so frustrating.

When the bell finally rang, the fat boy broke out into laughter. The entire class –excluding the teacher, Butters, and Eric– were glued to their seats.

"Cartman!" cried Craig.

"This is so not cool!" Bebe whined.

Eric just continued to laugh as the teacher handed both Eric and Butters detention slips.

"Gosh darn it," Butters mumbled.

The rest of the day seemed to get worse. The girls hadn't kept their word. Instead, they were asking all the guys if they would go out with Butters. It was very irksome. He could understand them wanting to know, but why ask _every _boy to go out with him? What would be the point? It would only make his parents think he's a gay pimp.

It was now lunch, so the day was half over. Just a few more periods left, and he could run out of the high school as fast as he could. Then he would hide in his bed for the next decade or so. Perfect plan.

Sitting at a table excluded from everyone, the little blond ate his sandwich in peace, unaware of what was happening around him. He kept himself locked up in his thoughts, ever planning on breaking out.

"Butters," Kyle said, startling the blond. The Jew seated himself next to him, placing his lunch tray on the table.

Staring blankly at Kyle, Butters waited in horror for what was about to come next.

"Butters, I need to know why all the girls are asking me to go out with you," Kyle said in a serious tone.

"Or why they're askin' me the same thing," Token added, sitting himself across from Butters.

"Ack! I was asked the same thing!" Tweek budded in, half panicked. "Too much pressure!"

"I don't know!" Butters screamed, throwing his head into the table, sobbing. "I-I really d-don't know!"

A few boys exchanged glances, unsure of how to react.

"I-I wish the gi-girls would mind th-their own darn business!" Butters continued to sob, taking no notice to the descending crowd. He was all alone now; all alone once more. His day couldn't possibly get worse.

"Stop cryin' yew little pussy!"

Butters stood corrected; it just did.

"Seriously, stop it. Yew're so annoying!"

Wiping his face with his sleeves, the blond looked up at the fat boy he had admired so. Why was he here, anyway Did he not here the news? Why would the girls exclude him out? Butters thought Eric was the obvious choice.

"Stop lookin' at meh like that!" Eric ordered, causing the blond to jump. A small smirk crossed his lips. It was so much fun to watch Butters terrified.

"S-sorry. I-I, uh…nevermind."

"If yew're talkin' 'bout that dumbass question the girls asked me, then forget about it. They're just dumbass girls like yew said, right?"

Making a small smile, Butters nodded. "R-right."

For the rest of the day, Butters felt like he was on top of the world. Even though his secret was revealed to the girls, his crush still had no clue! He could live without worry. He could live without concern that Eric would find out and punish him for it. It was great. It was only last period when he realized he still had that detention slip. Now that Eric Cartman had no idea of his feelings for him, all worries and stresses melted away.

He sat in the detention room next to the brunette, smiling brightly. Nothing was going to pull him down now; nothing!

"Hey, Butters. Let's play a game," Eric suggested, noticing the teacher that was supposed to be watching them was in a deep sleep.

"O-Okay!" Butters chirped, facing his friend.

"Let's see how kewl of a taste yew have in girls!"

Butters sunk. "O-okay."

"Now, fat or-"

"Skinny!" Butters squeaked with panic.

"I didn't finish! Let meh finish!" Eric barked.

"Sorry"

"Fat or skinny."

"Skinny," Butters lied. Eric could not find out. The whole quiz continued on as such. Eric would mention a trait about himself and a trait opposite of such. Butters would always pick the opposite answer of Eric's traits, so not to cause suspicion. The blond watched as Eric took mental notes to himself. When the test was over, Butters sighed in relief.

"The results are in. Do yew want to hear them?" Eric questioned with a peasant smile.

"Sure," Butters answered with no interest.

"Yew are a big fat liar."

"Wh-what?!" How the hell did Eric know? Did Butters make it that obvious? Oh boy, was he screwed.

"Yew heard meh! Yew are a dirty liar! Kahl was right!" The brunette pointed an accusing finger at Butters, his cold, dark eyes piercing into his victim.

"R-right about wh-what?" Butters questioned, yet again afraid of the answer.

"Well, yew answered the questions opposite of what yew wanted to answer. Yew panicked at the first question. Yew are getting defensive about meh accusing yew of a liar. Yew have a thing for meh!...Wait…" The brunette didn't seem to think this through. He didn't realize what this meant. He over looked the fact that Butters…liked him a lot more than he said.

The little blond boy just sat there in silence, quivering in fear. This could go two different directions, but one was just fantasy.

"Is this…true?" the brunette asked awkwardly.

Lying, Butters shook his head.

"Good. 'Cause I would have to kick yer ass if it was true.."

The blond just nodded. "Y-yeah."

The next few weeks felt like torment. With every whim in his body, Butters forced himself to ignore Eric. It became easier as time moved on, but it still hurt. The weeks became months, which turned into years. His parents never found out his secret, and he planned to keep it that way.

Within this time, Butters had erased any pictures of Eric off of his computer, burned his English journal, and abandoned anything that made him even think of his dear chubby friend. It was painful, but he learned to deal with it. He had to move on. After all, he needed to be straight for his parents.

Butters was now out of high school and college, working as an accountant like his parents said he would do. He was good with numbers, so it was bound to happen anyhow. Being an author or an artist didn't rake in enough money, so he had no other choice Besides, there was no guarantee in those other fields anyway.

He was told he had a new client today; someone who had been jumping from accountant to accountant to do his taxes. It wasn't that he was that financially in trouble, it was that he was very picky with his accountants. They were in so much of a rush to move him onto the next accountant, that a name was not passed onto the little blond. He knew, based on rumors, that the man's name started with an E. Was it Ernie? Edgar? Eric? Eh, it didn't matter. It was just another client.

His client finally walked in, angry at the world. His short, brunette hair was neatly combed around his chunky face. Dark brown eyes nestled within his angry lids. His large, overweight body pounded as he walked. Overall, he was just an angry fat man.

"Good, yew assholes finally put meh with someone decent!"

"How d-do you know I-I'm decent? I never even g-gave an introduction," Butters responded uninterested.

"Because yew-re not black, Asian, Hispanic, or- wait, are yew Jewish?"

"No, and I-I never plan to be. I-I am Roman Catholic. That's besides th-the point, though." Butters cleared his throat. "I-I am Leopold Stotch, Wh-what can I help y-you with today, sir?"

"Well, since yew're not Jewish and won't screw meh over, yew can help meh with mah taxes," the man said matter-of-factly. Then he paused a second, as if recalling something he had forgotten. "Wait, did yew say Stotch?"

"Y-yeah, Leopold Stotch. Could I ha-ave your-"

"As in Butters Stotch?"

The blond was taken aback. It had been a while since he had been called 'Butters'. However, he didn't feel like reminiscing on the past. He was an accountant now, and he needed to do his job. "N-no, just Leopold," Butters finally answered. "Could I ha-ave your name?"

"Eric Cartman," the client spat, rolling his eyes.

"A-and have you worked with u-us before?" Butters continued, typing away on his computer.

"Yep. Yew sons of bitches have too many minorities workin' for ya', though."

Ignoring his irrelevant statement once again, Butters continued to do his job. He asked what was needed, typed on his computer, and went over Eric's tax information. He made a few explanations to Eric and finally bid him good day.

Other than the snide remarks, the fat man wasn't so bad. He was expecting a lot worse. Oh well, it didn't bother him either way.

Gathering his things, Butters prepared to leave work. No one ever acknowledged him, and barely anyone knew he was there. It was just a repeat of his whole life. People would approach him if they needed him, but ignored him if nothing could be gained from it. He was well used to it by now. Just as he was leaving for his car, Eric had stopped him in his tracks.

"Hey, Leopold! Help meh jumpstart mah car!"

Eric's fat hands were tightly wrapped around Butters' wrist, almost cutting off the circulation. The large man was not going to give the blond much of a choice. So, without much effort, Butters nodded and allowed the brunette to lead the way.

It was just damn luck that their cars were parked across from each other's. Unless Eric had asked someone who's car it was so he could track them down, the chances of it being lick were very slim.

Popping his trunk open, Butters pulled out a pair of jumper cables from his white convertible. He attached each end to his car and Eric's red sports car, unaware of the brunette's following eyes.

His dark eyes watched as Butters started his engine, finally jumpstarting his own car. Eric's brain was still trying to think of how Leopold Stotch was so familiar to him. His guess was Butters, but Leopold denied ever being called that. Was he lying? That was so unlike Butters. But then his working brain honed in on a memory: _The results are in…Yew are a big fat liar…_

"O-okay, your car i-is jumpstarted," Butters dryly stated, stuffing the jumper cables back into his trunk. "Bye."

"Wait!" Eric demanded. "Were yew ever called Butters? Don't fuckin' lie to men! I swear to God yew're Butters Stotch!"

Closing his trunk, Butters let out a heavy sigh. Why was Eric so persistent? What did it matter? If he really cared for Butters, he would know Butters was also Leopold.

"Yes, I-I was called Butters gr-growing up. N-now it's just L-Leopold," the blond explained, staring at the ground. Hopefully now he could be left alone.

"So, yew did fuckin' lie to meh before!" Eric sneered with a wicked smile. Then he paused for a moment, as if hit with a hammer of realization. "What the fuck happened to yew, Butters? Why aren't yew full of your gay optimistic energy? Why are yew a boring-ass accountant?"

Too many questions at once. Butters should've lied. "I-I grew up and u-used my talents to b-become something r-realistic. Artists don't make a-a lot of money."

"But yew love art, and yew were pretty damn good at it! Who the hell are yew?!"

Butters just shrugged and hopped into his car. "G-good bye, Mr. Cartman."

He drove off, not daring to look back. Eric was just a client and nothing more. He had no memory of an Eric Cartman in his past, anyway. Butters remembered quite a few class mates, and some adventures he went one, but he couldn't remember everyone involved. Someone dressed up as a robot named A.W.E.S.O.M.-O. once, but the blond couldn't recall a name or face. It was strange thinking about his past. Who was Eric Cartman?

When Butters got home, he went through his old school yearbooks. He didn't know why, but he had to find him in his past; try to remember it. Eric Cartman remembered him, so why couldn't he remember Eric?

Sitting on the floor in front of his closet, the blond opened a box he had pulled out labeled "High School." He began pulling out a few things, such as his graduation cap, his high school diploma, and a scrap book of everything he wanted to be, but couldn't. Finally, he found his yearbook and flipped it open, searching for the seniors.

"Token Black…Kyle Broflovski…" the blond mumbled, skimming through all the names. "Eric Cartman!" he squealed, clamping his mouth shut. He hadn't squealed like that since high school. Glancing at the picture, his excitement dropped to rock bottom. A black block of permanent marker flooded the square above Eric's name. Did he really loathe the brunette that much?

"Meow!" Butters' cat, Theodore, mewed, crawling out from underneath his bed. Theodore was a brown stray he had rescued. The feline was as skinny as can be when he first got him. Feeling bad for his weight, Butters ended up overfeeding him. Now Theodore was a round, plump cat.

"Th-there you are, Theodore," Butters mumbled, stroking the cat's soft fur. The cat lifted his back as the blond's hand ran against it.

"I-I wish I could remember why I crossed out E-Eric Cartman," Butters continued, turning back to his yearbook.

Theodore moved closer to the book as well, sniffing the corner of it out of curiosity. He then placed his paw on the front page, pushing it. He repeated it again, having fun playing with the pages.

"H-Hey! You shouldn't do that, m-mister!" Butters scolded, pushing Theodore's paw away. His pale blue eyes then turned to the page. "S-see, there I-I am," the blond said, pointing to his picture. It was obvious he forced his smile that day. Butters was always happy, but sometimes the world crashed against his shoulders. It was sad how he was able to hide his feelings from everyone. Constantly getting grounded, picked on, and…something else that escaped his memory. What else depressed him, other than not being able to be himself? Being himself was a sin, so he couldn't do that.

Hoping to find the answer, the blond opened his scrapbook. Hello Kitty stickers attacked every part of it, along with the color pink. He flipped through the pages, finding Gay Pride references, photos of his art, and…an empty page. He could tell something had been there before, due to the leftover tape and tears. All that was left was a message in his hand writing:

_Must erase from memories!_

Erase what? His eye then slowly peered next to him at the yearbook. Could that be it? He couldn't remember Eric Cartman because he erased him from his memories? But why?

Quickly, Butters ran to his desk, turning on his MacBook. Tapping his fingers impatiently, Butters watched the device startup. It was irksome until it finally started up, which actually took no time at all, but felt like an eternity.

Without much thought, Butters clicked on Safari and logged onto Facebook. He looked up Eric Cartman's name, searching through all of the Eric Cartman's until he found his. Fortunately, Eric kept his page public. This allowed the blond to stalk his page. He traveled through the about, pictures, and even posts. One post seemed to strike his interest quickly.

**Eric Cartman**

i went 2 get my taxes done & guess who was my accountant? Butters!

**Kyle Broflovski**

Butters? Are you sure? Haven't heard from him in years!

**Eric Cartman**

yep. he even told me hes Butters….um….was. he doesn't remember me.

**Kyle Broflovski**

Wow. Really? You two were always doing stuff together. Why wouldn't he remember?

**Eric Cartman**

htf should I know?

**Kyle Broflovski**

Whatever.

They were always doing stuff together? They were really that close? Now it bothered Butters more than ever to find out what had happened. He moved the cursor over to the friend button and clicked it, unsure of what to do next.

Theodore jumped onto his lap, mewing. The blond pulled the cat into a hug, kissing him on his head. "I-I know, Theodore. Now we wait."

About an hour later, Butters checked his Facebook page in hopes to have a new friend. He didn't know why he needed to know so bad, or why he wanted to bring Eric Cartman back into his life, but he still felt strongly about it. It was almost a necessity if life to him. He couldn't live without it.

Clicking on the refresh button, Butters stared at the screen, squealing at the top of his lungs when it finished. Eric Cartman had accepted his friend request _and_ wrote on his wall! He didn't know why, but he heart was soaring, putting a big smile on his face. The thing was, he hadn't smiled like this in a long time. Without meaning to, Eric had made Butters happier than a child in a candy store. It was a great, giddy feeling.

**Eric Cartman** **Leopold Stotch**

hey

It thrilled him so. Eric wasn't pissed or was willing to advertise it, like he was earlier. He found it in his heart to say "Hey" on his timeline. The little blond had to respond back, and soon enough, they were in conversation.

**Leopold Stotch**

Hi, Eric. How are you?

**Eric Cartman**

fine. do u remember me now?

**Leopold Stotch**

No. Apparently I erased you from my memory, and I am trying to figure out why. Any ideas?

**Eric Cartman**

nope. ur screwed

**Leopold Stotch**

Darn.

**Eric Cartman**

lol

**Leopold Stotch**

It's not funny!

**Eric Cartman**

yes it is! i can just imagine the look on ur face!

**Leopold Stotch**

We knew each other that well?

**Eric Cartman**

u were the pussy faggot in school. everyone knew that face.

**Leopold Stotch**

I am NOT a faggot! It is a sin, and not who I was destined to be!

**Eric Cartman**

…i always called u that & it never bothered u then…

**Leopold Stotch**

Oh, I don't remember….

**Eric Cartman**

u don't remember jack shit!

The conversation was getting awkward, but Butters didn't want to stop. He and Eric continued to type away, turning to other topics. They spoke of what happened after high school, how their lives were, etc. It seemed to go on and on, having no end. When it hit 5:00 PM, Butters' tummy reminded him about dinner. He couldn't believe how quickly time passed, although it was only an hour or so. It almost caught him by surprise when Eric asked him if he wanted to meet him at KFC in thirty minutes for dinner. With glee, the little blond quickly agreed, threw on a nicer pair of clothes, and ran out the door.

Butters thought for a moment about KFC. As far as he could remember, he hated the food. It had been years since he had eaten there, so perhaps tastes could've changed. He licked his dry lips as he approached the restaurant, recognizing the red sports car parked right up front. Pulling right next to that devilish-red car, Butters smiled to himself, humming a happy tune. It was like all was good in the world for the blond. He was in a blissful world he couldn't understand. It was strange, but extraordinary.

"Keep your cool, L-Leopold," he muttered to himself, flattening his light-blue, collared shirt. With confidence, he walked inside, glancing around for his companion. His eyes shifted back and forth, hoping to find his target.

"Over here," a familiar voice breathed behind him, causing him to jump and whirl around.

Eric was wearing what he had on earlier: an old t-shirt, worn out jeans, and dark sneakers. Butters was very overdressed, as opposed to the brunette. It made the chunky boy cringe his nose and raise his brow.

"What the fuck are yew wearin'?" Eric spat, examining the skinnier man's attire.

"Um, just some n-normal clothes," Butters mumbled.

"Right. Well, I already ordered mah food. If yew're hungry, yew gotta order yerself some food."

Silently nodding, Butters scanned the menu. He wasn't sure what would be considered good. His eyes darted towards Eric, who was quietly watching. "Uh, wh-what did you get?" the blond questioned sheepishly.

"Eighteen piece bucket of extra crispy chicken and a large mashed potato. Yew can't have any!"

"J-just curious…" Making up his mind, Butters began to place his order, consisting of small mashed potatoes and two extra crispy pieces of chicken.

When the two of them received their order, they sat down at a table, tearing into their food. Eric began stripping each piece of chicken of its skin one by one, inhaling the crispy goodness. He was a wild animal; a complete pig. It didn't bother Butters in the least.

Picking up his first piece of chicken, the blond sunk his teeth into the juicy, fried meat, melting away. How could he hate such a traffic piece of food? It was exquisite! Whatever kind of taste he had when he was younger was maddening! His younger self was missing out!

"Butter- er…Leopold, don't have a foodgasm," Eric said through his food, already finished with a quarter of his meal.

"S-sorry. I-I just…didn't realize how good th-this food was. I-I wish I liked it when I was younger."

Eric stopped eating, trying to comprehend what the blond had just said. An entire world of disbelief filled his chubby face.

"Wh-what?" Butters finally asked, unsure of what he had done.

"Yew always liked KFC. What the fuck are yew talkin' about? We ate here together before."

"Oh….I-I guess my memory is lying to me…"

"That reminds meh," Eric said, biting into a skinless piece of meat. "I remembered the last time yew talked to meh."

"R-really? When?" The blond was on the edge of his seat. He really wanted to know.

"It was the day all the fuckin' girls in high school asked all the gahs if they would go out with yew. I accused yew of liking me, and….um…" Eric grew silent for a moment. "Yew ignored me since…"

"Y-you accused me of…liking you?" Butters thought for a moment. Was Eric telling the truth? His brain began to form a fuzzy memory, one of which all the boys in his school were demanding to know why the girls wanted them to date him. Maybe he was telling the truth. So, that means he erased Eric from his memories…because he didn't want to like a boy, and that was a sin? Was that it?

"I'm not sure if it was because that made things awkward for yew, since yew're such a pussy, or because yew actually liked meh. I wouldn't blame yew. I was pretty awesome," Eric continued on, taking no notice to the look of horror on Butters' face.

That was it. He did like Eric Cartman. He was the boy that he loved, but could never have. He was erased from his memories, because it was not only awkward, but because he didn't want the girls plotting to put him with Eric. The fat boy could never know his feelings, because he could never love him the same. His parents would have a fit, and he would be grounded for the rest of his life. He didn't want to go to Hell, and he didn't want to be grounded. So, he had to lock away those memories that brought out the gay side of him; the sinful side. Eric Cartman was the trigger. He was the one that brought all of those gay emotions out. He brought out the true Leopold "Butters" Stotch. He was the one that Butters secretly jacked off to, and the one he fantasized over.

Tears began to stream down his face, his body paralyzed in shock. It slightly trembled as his brain flooded with memories. It was the reason why he hated KFC. Not because he didn't like the food, but because it reminded him of Eric Cartman; the one person he used to love. Now he was back in his life, and there was no running away now, right? How could he just burst out of the room like that? That wouldn't be right, and very rude. Yet, he just really wanted to escape from everything then and there.

"Butters? What the fuck is yer problem?" Eric questioned, tilting his head.

"I…..I-I…..I'm a h-horrible person…" Butters managed to breathe.

"…What?"

"I-I'm a horrible e-excuse for a-a human being!" Butters cried, dropping his face into his mashed potatoes. His tears rained down into the gravy, causing it to flood both the plate and table. He just couldn't hold back anymore. He had to cry, even if it meant scaring Eric away. Although he wanted to run, and he wanted to stop crying, he couldn't help himself. He had to just break down and cry his sorrows away. He didn't have to explain himself to anyone.

"What the fuck, Butters?!" Eric snapped, lifting the blond up by his hair. A mixture of potatoes, gravy, and tears melted down Butters' face, making him look like a miserable mess. Eric just couldn't grasp why he was so upset. Was there more to why Butters erased him from his memories than he thought? It was just mind boggling, and was starting to piss the brunette off.

Butters continued to cry, not uttering a word to the brunette. He could care less what was said to him or heard by others. He just wanted to be left alone. Continuing to cry, he could feel a pair of fat arms lift him up onto his feet and drag him along the ground. The blond was blinded by his tears to really see what was happening. Within a few short minutes, he was seated again, only this time in a leather-interior seat.

Calming down, Butters could feel something wipe against his face, clearing away the potatoes, gravy, and tears. When his vision was clear, he glanced to his left, to find Eric sitting there with a dirty napkin.

"What the fuck is wrong with yew?" Eric growled, tossing the napkin out the window.

Butters just sat there, staring at his feet. He began to knock his knuckles together, a habit he never grew out of.

Eric's dark eyes glanced at his watch. "Yew have five minutes to tell meh what's your problem, or I'll leave yew here with yer car."

Shaking his head, the blond exited the car. Quietly, he jumped into his car next door and readied himself to leave. "S-see you later, Mr. C-Cartman," he muttered just before starting the ignition.


	3. Chapter 3

Sullenly walking, Butters entered the bar. He had never spent a great amount of time there, but he knew his dad hung around every once in a while. Honestly, he couldn't give a shit if his father saw him like this. Right now, the little blond just wanted to drink his problems away. It seemed like the greatest idea in the world to him at the moment.

He sat himself in a bar stool and faced the bartender, eyes sunken in. "I-I'll have the strongest l-liquor you've got…" he mumbled, placing a hand on his forehead.

"Sure thing," the bartender responded, working on his order.

"Butters?" someone a few seats down squeaked, cocking his head. The man moved next to the blond, staring deep into his face. "Dude, it is Butters!"

"L-leave me alone," the blond muttered, grabbing his drink from the bartender. He tried to make it clear he wasn't in the mood.

"Butters, it's me, Kyle. Don't you remember me?" the red-head questioned, trying to comprehend if he was seeing things or not.

"Just 'cause I-I didn't remember E-Eric doesn't mean I forgot e-everyone," Butters snapped, taking a sip of his drink.

"The fuck? Butters, are you okay?" Kyle continued to question, obvious concern in his voice.

"L-leave me the heck alone!" the blond demanded, continuing to swallow down his drink.

"Is that Butters?" another voice came in, its owner seating itself next to Kyle.

"Yeah, dude. I just can't seem to figure out what's wrong with him. I mean, it's clearly obvious something is bugging him," Kyle explained to his friend, Stan.

Taking one last sip of his drink, Butters slammed his drink to the counter, furious. His brows pulled themselves together as fire filled his pale eyes. "D-do you know what my problem is? Do you r-really want to know my p-problem, Kyle?!"

Kyle and Stan just helplessly stood their ground, watching the blond fume red.

"My whole life i-is a lie! I-I have to hide who I am, j-just 'cause it ain't right in my p-parents' eyes! I'm just sick of it! I-I'm sick of it all! I can't even scream to the world 'I-I'm gay!' That would b-be sinful! I-I can't be who I fuckin' wanna be, 'cause a bunch of a-assholes are afraid of p-people who are a bit different! But we're all a l-little queer in our own way!" Butters yanked at his hair, screaming with all his might. No one was sure if it was the alcohol talking or he just hit the last straw.

"…Butters, I-" Kyle began, but was cut off.

"And a-another thing! It's L-E-O-P-O-L-D! _Not_ Butters! Butters i-is the love-sick little high school boy that hid h-his deep dark secret from the w-world! Leopold is the man wh-who is finally standing his gr-ground!" Throwing his credit card on the counter, Butters marched out of the bar with an idiotic sense of determination in his heart.

Getting up from a seat nearby, Stephen Stotch charged out the door after his son.

Kyle and Stan exchanged glances.

"Should we stop Butters from doing something stupid?" Kyle questioned, rising a brow.

"Nah, it's his problem, not ours," Stan replied, taking a sip of his beer.

"Leopold Stotch! What the hell do you think you're doin'?!" Stephen screamed outside, shaking his son by the shoulders. "Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is for me?!"

"I-I don't care!" Butters screeched. An eerie silence filled the town as Butters bit his bottom lip. Tears streamed down from his eyes. "I-I don't care!" He repeated.

"Leopold…!" Stephen growled, clenching his teeth.

"I-I'll be who I want. I-I don't need you an' mom tellin' me what I can and can't do. I-I'm my own person, Dad. And if you c-can't accept me for who I am, th-then you might as well go to heck!" Leaving his dad speechless, Butters ran down the street. Whatever he had become was frightening to his father.

Butters continued to run down the street. He knew he had a car, but right now the exercise felt good. He needed to run, just as he needed to scream to the world, "I'm free!" And that's just what he did. Hollering throughout the night, Butters woke up everyone in town.

His feet pulled him to a stop. A familiar red car stood before him in front of an apartment complex. Was this the home of Eric Cartman? Searching the list of names by the front door, Butters targeted his eyes upon his friend's name. Buzzing the room, the blond awaited for the fat boy's voice to answer back. When he was buzzed in, Butters ran inside and practically flew to the fat boy's door. Gladly, he knocked against the wood, rocking himself back and forth. Eric opened the door, quietly motioning Butters to come on in.

"What do yew want?" Eric groaned after he shut his door.

"I-I came to tell ya' that I-I love you!" Butters chirped, hugging his large friend. "I-I always have! That's why I e-erased you from my m-memory! I-I didn't think we could be together, so I did the dumb thing. B-but now I don't care! I don't care, Eric!"

Pushing Butters off, Eric stared down into the eyes of the love-sick man. Boy, was he a mess. "So, yew came to tell meh that yew love meh while yew're drenched in the smell of alcohol? Give meh a fuckin' break! Go home!" Eric ordered.

"B-but I'm serious! I-I can prove it!" Butters whined, tugging on Eric's arm.

With a heavy sigh, Eric flung the blond's grip off of his limb. "Look," he began, staring into the heart and soul of the blond. "I don't like yew that way. I am straight. Either get the fuck away from meh, or accept the fact I am not gay for yew, dude."

"B-but…I-I'll be a girl for ya'…." Butters cooed, not really knowing what he was talking about at this point. He just wanted to beg Eric to be with him, even if his subconscious knew that would never happen.

"I'll walk yew out. Now leave!" Eric pushed Butters out the door, dragging him down the stairs and out the front door. He pushed Butters so hard that he landed up in the streets. "Stay!"

"E-Eric….I-I…" Before Butters could mutter another word, a car bumped into his side, causing his body to fly into the air and hit a nearby tree. A branch fell down and scrapped against his head, causing it to rabidly oozing blood. Although he was in pain, and barely moving at that, the blond had a smile on his face.

"Butters!" Eric screamed, racing over. He tossed the branch aside, pulling his own sleeve off to use as a bandage. "Everything's gonna be okay! I promise!" the fat boy cried, watching the blond's breaths become heavier and slower. "Butters!"

"I-I love you, Eric…and I-I always will…" Butters knew it was stupid to love Eric Cartman. He knew Eric was not the type of person who would ever love. Still, the little blond's heart swooned for the fat boy. His heart skipped a beat at the thought of him. That was something that would never change, even through the darkest of times. His love was powerful and true, even if Eric was someone he could never have.


	4. Chapter 4

Slowly opening his eyes, Butters' mind began to race. Where was he? The room was cold as ice, a light beeping sound consistently ringing in the background. Eyesight clearing, the blond rubbed his eyes, glancing around the room. He was in a white-sheeted bed, wearing a pale-blue gown. The entire room was blandly decorated with white; even the bits of the hallway he could see through the doorway was covered in the bright color.

"Wh-where am I?" he managed to breath, his brain still not registering the world around him.

"You are in a hospital, sir," a nurse kindly answered, entering the room. "You almost suffered from a concussion. We're glad you're okay."

"O-Oh…" Butters breathed, sitting himself up in the bed.

"Could you tell me who you are?" she questioned, sitting at the end of the bed.

Butters thought hard. Who was he? Then, it hit him. "I-I'm Leopold S-Stotch…"

"Good. I'm going to send someone in who claims to be a close friend of yours. He really is concerned for you." With that said, the nurse left.

A close friend? He had a close friend? Butters continued to think of who it could be. Nothing came to mind, which frightened him. How could he not remember someone close to him? He could remember very little about himself, vaguely his parents, and no one else. Maybe there was something wrong with him. His head just pounded the more he thought about it.

Entering the room, Eric sat down at the edge of the bed. His dark eyes stared hard at the fragile blond, yet had a warm sense to them. Although he tried to hide it, a light aura of concern filled the fat man. It was rather odd, but sweet.

"Butters," he began, licking his lips, "Are yew alright?"

"My…name's….Leopold…" Butters softly responded, thinking deeply as to why he was being addressed to as 'Butters'.

"Oh, right. Well, yew gonna be alright, Leopold?"

The blond nodded his head. "Wh-who are you?"

"What the fuck do yew mean, gay-wad?! I'm Eric Cartman: the guy yew just fucking claimed to fucking love!" the brunette growled. This was just a bizarre day. First he couldn't remember him, then he could, now they were back at the start. What the fuck was wrong with him?! Could he just make up his fucking mind already? This was getting ridiculous!

Butters mind began to race. He couldn't put a finger on anything the fat man had told him. He was clueless. Not a single memory seemed to pass through his head. In fact, he couldn't even remember what had recently happened to him! He could just remember certain people that impacted his life, but not how. He could pinpoint his mother's name, his father's name, and his name. That seemed to be about it. He knew he was twenty-four years old and out of college, but nothing else. Many memories seemed to disappear.

"Um, sir…I-I can't seem to remember anything," Butters honestly said, trying not to break into tears.

"Are yew serious?!" Eric questioned, crossing his arms.

The blond nodded. "I-I can't remember anything! Ju-just a few small facts a-about myself…"

"Shit," Eric uttered, darting his eyes to the ground and pulling the left corner of his lip back.

The doctor came in shortly after, examining Butters a bit more. After examination, he explained to the blond that his head injury seemed to affect his brain, as he predicted. His loss in memory is no surprise to him, due to how deep the cut in his scalp was. Butters was very lucky to remember his own name, along with his parents. However, the doctor wasn't all that sure if this memory loss would be permanent. To Eric's surprise, the fat man suggested that he stood with the blond until he regained some sort of memory or until he was satisfied with his new life that he would probably take on. Both the blond and doctor agreed, hoping for the best to come.

A few days had passed, and blond was already keen on his nick-name: Butters. He thought it was adorable and fit with what he figured he liked. Eric seemed to be very kind to him, even if he did have a short temper and a mouth. With all his efforts, he tried to help Butters regain his memory. The blond knew this all had to be true, because he seemed to like everything Eric introduced him to. Hello Kitty was fantastic, motorcycles were daring but thrilling to him, and cats were simply his favorite animal. It seemed like the brunette knew everything about him. It had been a week, and Butters already felt like he knew himself. That's when he built up the strength to find the courage to ask one final question to Eric.

"H-hey, Eric?" the blond began, sitting on the couch with Theodore on his lap.

"Mmm?"

"Um, d-do you know my…sexuality?" Butters flushed red, knocking his knuckles together.

"Yes," Eric answered, readjusting himself in his seat next to him. "Yew are a flamboyant homosexual. Yew always have been."

"Oh, a-alright. D-do I like anyone?" Butters continued to question, eager to know the answer.

"Not as far as I know of," the brunette grumbled. "Yew seemed to keep that part all to yerself."

"A-alright. I was j-just curious is all."

From then on, the two seemed to spend as much time as they could together, as best friends should. Butters never regained his memory, but he didn't mind. He had Eric to help him bring it back, even if two years had passed with no signs of recovery. He may not remember everything, but he knew a few changes he wanted to make within his life.

The first project he worked on was a career change. Although he did get decent pay, he decided he wanted to work on getting a career he would enjoy more, such as an artist or an art teacher. His next step was to exclude his parents out of his life. If they were as bad as Eric said they were, he wanted nothing to do with them. How dare they not accept him for who he was? How dare they want to write the story of his life? That was his job. It was time Butters grabbed hold of the pen and began filling out the blanks. He was sure glad that he put his faith in Eric Cartman: his best friend and pending lover.

**The End**

* * *

**This was supposed to be a one shot, but I thought that over 8,000 words was a bit much for a one shot...so I was forced into separating this into chapters. Anyway, I wrote this back in November at work because I was bored. I hope you enjoyed its lameness. **


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